Into The Looking Glass

Today I was watching my oldest daughter put her play purse on and flounce about in our living room wearing a tutu and pair of fairy wings that her Grandpa Brad got her.  She paused when she saw me watching her and said "Pretty?" as if she was seeking my approval.  I nodded, smiled and said "yes baby, you are very pretty".  Seemingly satisfied with the answer, she continued to chase the cat down the hall with her matching wand.  Again, thank you Grandpa Brad.

It occurred to me after this little exchange what a huge responsibility was sitting on my husbands and my shoulders.  We are in the unique position to help shape our little girls body image to one that is as positive as possible.  It strikes a little bit of fear in me to be in this position when I myself have struggled with my own body image as far back as I can remember.

I have never considered myself to be exceptionally good looking.  Certainly not ugly, but definitely not anywhere near what I would have considered gorgeous.  I know that my husband is disagreeing with me at this moment, but I am just being honest about my feelings at this point.  I always felt that I was one of those girls who had a pretty face and a body that lacked something to be desired.  There was always something that I wanted to change or that I thought could be better.  My mother, one of the most amazing women in the world and also one of the most beautiful, had feelings about her body similar to my own.  She would never have dreamed of telling me that I needed to lose weight or that there was anything that I needed to change.  She always told me that I was perfect the way that I was and beautiful.  However, she also made no secret about how she felt about her own body.  At this age, I can look back and see it in one of two ways:

1.  That her honesty about how she felt about her body let me know that I was not alone in how I was feeling about mine,

2.  Or that hearing her insecurities helped contribute to my criticism of myself.

Now, before I go any further, I am not saying that I was damaged by my mother in any way.  She was and is incredible and would never have done something that she thought would have been hurtful in the least bit.  I think that there is truth to both views that I mentioned above.

It is my opinion that when a child hears their parent refer to themselves in a negative way it can contribute to negative feelings that the child is having about their own body.  At the same time if a child is having those feelings it is nice to know that they are not alone.  Those things being said, here is what I and my husband plan to do to help build a healthy body image in our little girls.

We will keep our opinion about ourselves, to ourselves.  Nothing will be said about each others bodies that could possibly be construed as negative.  We will stress that maintaining healthy habits and being positive is what is most important, not how our bodies are shaped.  Any sort of negative descriptor for anyone, of all shapes and sizes, are to become four letter words in our house.  However, if and when our children mention any insecurities that they may be having, we will encourage them by letting them know that we have had the same insecurities before, but always stressing that being positive and maintaining healthy habits is the most important thing when it comes to our bodies.

Society does enough damage by inundating us and our children with what they consider to be perfection.  It is blasted across television screens, in movies, and in music.  Please make your homes a safe haven from this sort of pressure.  Learn from your past and do something different, do not repeat the same cycle.  It would break my heart if I thought my girls were looking into the mirror and being disappointed in what they saw looking back.  I want them to look in that same mirror, see something incredible, fearfully and wonderfully made, and own it!!